Do you ever accidentally buy into the notion that you are the captain of your own ship? I honestly thought I was immune to that heresy, knowing full well that God is my creator. Yet I've found myself falling right into that trap. Those little twinges that sneak up when I'm looking at the mess in my house, or folding my umpteenth load of laundry. Twinges of memories of an independent person, an identity, a personality I can't help but feel is gone, replaced by the humbling role of motherhood. The secular pulse pounding in my head drives me to a place of despair, painting me as an unopened flower chained to the ground.

These were my thoughts as I wrestled with, what I thought, was a break for freedom. It was small, a position as a volunteer, a chance to do something bigger than meal planning. But it was a stretch. I found myself with a pounding headache trying to figure out how to find childcare, and procure a meal for my husband after he'd been at work all day.

My excitement soon turned to bitterness, as I played over in my mind the burden that motherhood can seem to be. Everything has a price. My husband reminded me of this, re-iterating that some things are worth paying a price for, but maybe this wasn't it. In that moment, I had clarity. My identity isn't found in who I used to be, or in the independent woman I want other people to see me as, my identity is found in Christ. This ship was built by the creator, filled with children, and anchored in my home. Kids are only here for a little while, they are our calling.

There will be a time for independence and autonomy, but right now my career is building character, teaching, and all of the other less glamorous things that keep our ship afloat.

I'm reminded of what C.S. Lewis said: “Homemaking is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, mines, cars, government, etc. exist for except that people may be fed warmed, and safe in their own homes?...The homemaker's job is one for which all others exist.” Sign me up Mr. Lewis.