Making phone calls seems to be a difficult task. So difficult in fact that my husband delegates all of our phone calls to me. The whole idea of calling a place that he doesn't know, talking to a person he doesn't know, and asking questions that he doesn't know stresses him out. This is the exact reason why calling companies to setup appointments is one of the primary life skills that my sons are learning. My oldest has had the opportunity to call colleges to ask questions, call mechanics to setup auto repair appointments, and even call banks to cancel lost debit cards.
How do we teach these life skills to our children? The same way we teach everything else.
- We model it : One of my memories from childhood was watching my mom sit at the kitchen counter paying bills and balancing the checkbook. Eventually, I stamped the letters for her and even recorded and balanced the checkbook while she wrote the checks. This little scenario walks us through all of the steps necessary for learning a basic skill.
- We include our kids with us at the helm : Notice that my mom didn't just let me watch her, but she included me. She asked me to work alongside her. She didn't leave me to do it by myself. Having our kids join us helps them learn by observation and start practice.
- We include our kids with them at the helm : Each of my boys cooks a meal a week. Some of these meals are amazing and some are less so, but each child has input and direction and responsibility for his night. My youngest has Monday, but so don't I. He joins me and we work together. He tell me what he wants to make, and I tell him how to do it. As he continues to grow in skill, I stop telling him and instead I show up as his assistant. He tells me what he'd like me to do to help him with dinner. This shift of responsibility is essential and contains a very important point: You don't leave your child to do it alone. You stay for support.
- We have our kids model it : This is the pseudo independent stage. This stage in many ways is the entire teenage years. They want freedom and independence, but they are terrified of freedom and independence. We see this stage in the 3 yr old who runs across the playground to play with his friends, but still looks back at mom every few minutes to make sure she's still there. This is where our kids complete the skill independently or us, but with us still in the vicinity to answer any questions.
- We set them free : This last step seems simple right? We just back up and let them do it. But here's the thing: you have to back up and let them do it. If you are entrusting them to wash the dishes, but you want them to rinse the dishes a certain way, you haven't reached step 5 yet. For many parents, this is the hardest step.
Maybe I should have called this post 5 not-so-easy steps to creating independent people, regardless of what it's called, I hope that you have fun working through some very important life skills with your children this spring!