Have you ever experienced that weird shift in life? I am not speaking about some sort of huge developmental shift, but rather that slow shift. The one that takes years before you even realize that it happened? Specifically, have you ever woken up one day to realize that your child is no longer that incorrigible 3 year old always asking ‘why?’? But rather, he has shifted to the very opposite of the spectrum and refuses to ask questions. Not because he knows the answers, of course, but because he is fearful of what others’ think.
‘Answers come after questions, not before’ Rosaria Butterfield
I know that we tell our kids that “The only dumb question is the one not asked.” But have we ever thought about why they might be hesitant to ask questions? Maybe the dumb question is actually the one that everyone except me knows the answer to? When we ask a question, we place ourselves out in front for everyone to see, and that’s very intimidating. Asking questions reveals our mind, how we think, and our hearts, what we care about. Questions make us vulnerable to other people’s opinions, judgements, and thoughts. In a way, the questions that we ask are much more revealing to others than the answers that we give.
If asking questions is so dangerous, then why do we do it? Asking questions is like starting a fire. We create a spark, which prompts another question and another until our mind is full of questions and in desperate need of answers. The pursuit of those answers is what we call learning. And it all started with a question. How do we help our hesitant question asker? We model asking good questions, encourage curiosity, and give grace. Don’t force your child to ask questions in public, instead, encourage him to write them down to ask later. Help him to join a group that he is safe to ask and explore some of the world’s greatest questions with. First and foremost, do not judge your child’s questions, but create a safe space in your home for the sharing of questions, struggles, and anything else that may be in her mind and heart.
What questions are you asking today?